Finding the un-jaded... Your scars don't make you who you are, they hold you down. I wish you could all see this beauty. Don't be a victim to disease, divorce (break ups), depression... I am no longer a victim I gave up the habit and being an "artist" it was hard. I thought to be an artist I had to feel pain and so much empathy. But fuck that I want to be happy I want to be with good people and if you're jaded that's just not going to work. I still believe in love. True loves kiss...
Then I am in a weird like scene of drag queens galore, like a Broadway production of sorts but they were in circus gear... then I was in a haunted house and I had to keep turning the gas stoves burners off. (I think we're still at the end of the world the house looked really weird) a native Hawaiian girl started a ritual of sorts to free the spirit it was beautiful. I then was in a end of the world like pantry and had a unique conversation with a mixed race male about how we needed to only date in are "ID range" I replied "But then we would be keeping the population from getting smarter" (he was dating this German girl so I am not sure what ID range meant, I think it was like an aptitude, maybe socioeconomic but not race related.) end. WTF!!! I need to find my ID range and mate accordingly. LOL!
I want to give in a little. I want to live for the present. If I hurt then so be it.
My head and heart are so like the good vs evil and the ID and super ego. Thanks Freud..
I know people believe in me. So I have to, too.
I am so excited this really is day one of the journey even though I have been kicking my ass for over a year. This is the moment where I make it or break it!
7/28: I dreamt I was taking a final about my life. Everyone else was cheating off eachothers tests (metaphor of life right?). It was multiple choice. I only remember making a chart but not the content. Later on a student took a survey about me. The teacher was reading it out loud. I confronted the student and said "why did you say that, why are you so mean?" he shrugged his shoulders and said "I thought it would be funny" we were an airplane that resembled more of a stage. I jumped off. Woke up.
Ugh I have kidney pain. I was cleaning and sharp pain in both sides. Awesome. Water time.
"Started thinking more about what you were asking Saturday night and I think you caught me off guard. I have been talking to people about you not playing and the reason is you are more of a safety risk than anything. I feel like you are not very firm on your skates and don't take hits very well at all. I know we all have A LOT to work on but I don't feel like you are safe out on the track. I also recommended you be taken off of the coach list as I feel like you have a hard time doing most of the things you are supposed to be teaching all of us. I hope you can take this as constructive criticism and not be too upset with what I have just said. But I felt like I fibbed a bit when you asked me on Saturday night. I wanted to be honest."
this is a teamate. lovely eh?